Could have, Should have.

We were just there. They were suppose to come over, but got canceled. It was so sudden, so unexpected. It was too fast and was way to soon. I know it wasn't time. It could have been prevented, it should have been prevented. But, it was too late. I was young, everything I remember just seems like a blur. She was a daughter, a wonderful wife, a sister, she was a great mother, she was a grandmother, she was my mamang, and she left us on September 23, 1997. She was very young, she passed away at the age of only 47. There was so much she should have been able to do, experience, live.

I was only four years old, but I can still recall some of the fun, sad, happy moments I shared with her. One that I seem to remeber quite clearly, was when she was reading me a book, but she would keep falling asleep on me and I would keep waking her up until she finished the story. I remember it so well, it was about pandas. After a while I just let her sleep, and the memory just fades away. I still can recall the times we would sit on the swing outside her house with my aunt, uncles, my mom and my younger brother and how she would tickle me, mess with me. I probably didn't like it so much, but what I would give up anything just to relive those moments again. I wish I could remember more, but I just can't.

Everytime I remember her, just a saying her name just brings me to tears. We just came from a trip from the Philippines, and my grandfather and grandmother were suppose to follow soon after, but for some reason it was canceled. I can't help but think maybe if they did come and follow, and came to the U.S. then she would still be here. Here with me, my brother, my cousins, my mom, uncles, aunts. She could've, she should've.

My Mamang is one of the strongest people I know. I wish she could see me now, who I am, and who I've grown up to be. I wish she was still here, she should be here. But, I know somewhere shes there, somewhere out there watching over me. And I know someday I will see her again. Someday. Though she isn't here physically, shes always with me in my heart and in my mind. Always. I miss and love you mang.