Monday, September 13, 2010

Scary Moment
All my life I have believed in spirits or "ghosts" due to the fact that I was raised in a religious environment. As Christians we believe in both Holy and evil spirits. Although I never feared evil spirits as a young child, as I grew older I became terrified. Not knowing at the time that that my grandparents shared their house with the supernatural, a chill ran down my spine every time I walked down the long dark hallway. I would dread walking to the bathroom at the end of the hall feeling and knowing there was indeed a presence. Guilt spilled over me like cold water from a shower head, dreading to go to my grandparents house, not because I didn't like them but because the lonesome spirits lounging about their bedrooms and bathrooms.We often visited my mother's parents because we are extremely close to them, having seen them everyday of our childhood. Just a two years ago I found out that their house was infested with ghosts and I wasn't just imagining it. Not helping my phobia with evil spirits, finding out that the house we basically lived at was haunted was one of the scariest moments of my life. My mom began to tell me the horrible experiences with the supernatural, as a young girl. It was at that moment that was most frightening to me when it all became so real. It wasn't my imagination from the scary, popcorn throwing movies or the late night slumber party's stories, but it was reality.Although I was extremely scared I begged for more stories. She began to go into great detail about how a man from the 1900's dressed in a suit along with a cane and a tall hat sitting on his head would came into her bedroom and stand there just breathing over her. From time to time the man would return but her parents never believed her. Sounding ridiculous, her parents just thought it was her imagination until they themselves experienced something unnatural. Almost every night my mom's bed would shake as if it was alive and having a seizure. One night it lasted so long and didn't stop when my mom called my grandma into her room to see for herself. She then believed my mom from that point on.Just last year we found out their home was built over an old Indian Cemetery. That explains why strange events kept occurring. My grandparents and mom along with her brother experienced many things in that house for decades. For some reason the spirits continued to scare my family. They were tired of it so decided to get the house baptized and see where things go from there. After it was baptized everything stopped happening, as if they weren't lost spirits wondering about anymore. Upon hearing the news that only my grandparents live in their house relief rushed down from head to toe.I'm' well aware things are now normal because I no longer have that chill run down my back, it is still creepy to think below my feet lies a burial, dozens of bodies buried within the cold dirt. To this day I'm horrified of ghost or an evil spirit of some sort. Especially with the movies that come out these days, it adds to my collection of fear. When I visit my grandparents now I don't necessarily tend to freak out apposed to before but an anxious not n my stomach tightens as I walk down that hallway

20 comments:

  1. Dear Chelsea :) This is good. You had me scared when you described the old man in the suit with a hat. I loved how you made imagery within the descriptions! This story is very mysterious and dark, I like it. :)

    My advice to you is that you should add more situational irony to this piece since this story does talk about mysterious supernatural acts. For example, you can describe your mother telling a story that the man with the suit and the hat use to come and breathe over her, but suddenly he disappears. Therefore you're adding more mystery to the story by letting your reader expect something to happen but the ghost only leaves. You get what I"m saying? :P Like lead the readers into making predictions of what's going to happen but something else happens instead.


    Sincerely,
    Quinci Woods (:

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  2. Thanks for the advice, I definatley see what you are saying(:

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  3. This was a good story. I liked the way you used imagery a lot. (:

    I've noticed this story has some run-ons though. And grammar mistakes..? But other than that, great story.

    ^__^

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  4. Hey Chelsea,
    I really enjoyed reading your story. It was very dark and mysterious, and I kept on wanting to read more and more. I like the similes and the comparisons you made, for example the comparison with the shower head. That was very creative and it helps the reader understand your point.
    My only advice is that there were grammar mistakes, and that maybe to make the story a little more personal to you, you could include an experience you had with the supernatural world. I think that would make it alot more appealing to the reader, if the the writer was telling a story of themselves.
    Other than that, it was a great story and I really liked reading it.

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  5. "Guilt spilled over me like cold water from a shower head, dreading to go to my grandparents house, not because I didn't like them but because the lonesome spirits lounging about their bedrooms and bathrooms"

    Your wording here is a little off. "Dreading" should be replaced with a past tense in order to make the entire thing flow a little better.

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  6. Hey Chelsea,
    Your blog was very interesting to read and set an image in mind of scenes that have occurred. I suggest that you make fuller sentences by adding more so it doesn't sound like a "laundry list". I see a few of those sentences towards the end of the blog, so I think you combine a few. Not to mention that some words aren't finished gramatically. For example towards the end, you forget to add -ing to "run" and you spell "and" n. But overall great job on the blog in the beginning, I believe you added more (:

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  7. I agree with Gabby you should explain an experience you encountered with the supernatural world. But otherwise your story grabs the readers attention and uses a lot of imagery.

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  8. chelsea, this is some sick stuff. (: i definitely felt fear reading your blog. great use of similies. you have a couple of grammar mistakes like run-on sentences. I also suggest not making this so much as a laundry list like kathleen suggested. otherwise, you did a good job.

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  9. Chelsea, you had a nice choice of words when describing the ghosts in the house.

    Ex: "...spirits 'lounging' about their bedrooms and bathrooms."

    By using lounging, it helped me picture how the ghosts/spirits were just laying about the house as if it were their own. So, connotation helped with imagery. However, at points due to grammar, the intended effects of imagery were diminished.

    Organization (paragraphs) will probably help out a lot, and it might give the writing a bit more flow, as well.

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  10. Very nice imagery Chelsea. The way you used the descriptions gave me a feeling of everything in there. For example, "relief rushed down from head to toe." After reading the experience, when you say that part, the reader feels the same way you do. This means that you described everything really well for the reader to actually experience it.

    I agree with Aisha on that you should try to talk about a certain experience that you specifically had with the supernatural. That way it adds to the mystery, suspense, and imagery in that you are a person that is alive today, in my English class, who went through that! I hope you understand that last comment.

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  11. chealse
    this was a great story, it kept me un suspense. i wanted to know what was gonna happen next.
    some things could maybe re-worded, and there was a little repetativeness "..brother expierienced it for decades.. for some reason, continued to scare my family.." its kinda the same, you list members it scraed then say it scared your family.

    but it was a very nice, suspensful story(:

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  13. hey chelsea!
    definitely had me freaking me out! haha but yeah good story;you had a great choice of words and you didn't do the laundry list thing so you're good there. but adding some of your experiences (if you had any) wouldve help and i think proofreading wouldve been good. all in all, you did great!

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  14. chelsea
    this was a very good blog... there was a lot of imagery going on and I loved the comparisons you made. I think you can add more scary stories/experiences to it and I guess write what you learned from it :/ idk otherwise I loved it you did a fantastic job:)

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  15. Your story grabs the reader’s attention and uses a lot of imagery, good details and great use of similes. Your story is pretty interesting, since some people believe in ghosts and some people do not. Furthermore, it would be a lot better if you also include an experience that you had with the supernatural world, because the story basically talks about your mom’s experiences and it just shows how you were affected by her stories. I guess that if you put your own personal experiences with the supernatural world, it would make your story a lot more alluring to the reader. All in all it was a great story :)

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  16. Thanks for giving me a scare.. Haha just kidding.

    Anyways, your story was scarier than I predicted. When I saw it said Scary Story I though to myself I shouldn't read since I don't like scary stories either buth none the less I started to read it. It gave me chills, and to think that all those things happened.

    I would say to add more of your own experiences into the mix so that the reader can tell that you yourself has experieces these phenomenons and not just the regular spine chilling moments when walking down the hall. I can't recall a certain word but add more things so that you can pull the reader in like, a phrase that the reader can relate to.

    All in all it was a good read.

    -Jewel

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  17. Your story was very interesting and intriguing to read ! Your imagery and other details helped me picture exactly what you were talking about . My advice is that you describe the setting a little more . Like where do they live , what does their house look like ? I think it could have added to the mystery . I thought it was really good though !

    -Marissa

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  18. (This is Wendy, by the way-the loser who doesn't have a gmail account)

    First of all, I'd like to say that I really appreciate the way you gave your fear a history and a reason, so that it's not just there, floating in the air without a foundation.

    First sentence, I wouldn't say 'due to the fact' it sounds a bit scientific, as if you get a fear of ghosts if you add childhood, God, shake and stir. Bit distant... how about just 'because'?

    Again, the way you state your fear, backtrack and explain is what makes that fear clear, understandable.

    Second to last sentence you might want to say collection of 'fears' instead of fear. I don't know if that was a typo or if you did that on purpose it would fit with the intimate tone. Write like you speak and all.

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  19. You have great discription when you talk about you're emotions and feelings. But, describing events and how what happened needs a bit more info and detail. Yee !

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  20. When I mean it needs more detail. I mean you can describe how the event happened more.

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