Sad Memory

My grandma is one of the most strongest woman I know in my life being a mother of nine children, 21 grandchildren, & 11 great-grand children. She is the rock that makes our family so close and solid as it is. When she walks in a room, everyone always has that knowing of stopping what they're doing just to give her some love and she greets us with that strong smile of hers each time. She fed me, bathed me, and took care of me just like probably every grandmother has done. My grandma is truly someone who seems to amaze me each & every single day, with the strength and happiness she carries on her shoulders, being the 95 year old woman she is today. We may all go through the day without knowing what she may be feeling or going through and only by that smile, we all know everything is alright. Her love flows through me whenever she is present and her repetitive stories never get me second guessing to what she has to say next. She lifts me up each time, when she tells me “I love you my balasang” and “I miss you so much.” She always seems to remember me and my name even though I hardly see her, along with the fact that her memory is slightly fading away. It kills me to know that she is becoming more and more weak, and is now laying in a hospital bed and I can’t even take the time to actually go and see her face to face. It brings me down that I was so caught up in my own life, to not actually notice what was going on in hers and her needs. I find myself each day thinking about how i'm an hour away of just being able to see her, but my life so overwhelming as it is, can’t even give me a chance to make a visit, but my only way of communication is through the hospital telephone. Its always brings me to tears when I know all she wants is for me to go see her for awhile and sing to her, but the closes she can get to hear me sing is through an electric wire. While facing a hard and depressing time like this, things just begin to hit you and the small memories come back to mind, the happy times when she was strong and on her feet. But when facing this struggle in life, it leaves me at a sad state of mind.