Our faces were red and voices were hoarse. This happens almost everytime Carina and I fight. A lot of people, especially our parents, are already used to our fighting and bickering, but they always ask us if we ever get embarrassed when we do that. It's almost like they expect a different answer everytime they ask.
When Carina and I fight, we don't feel an ounce of embarrassment. We are like that because that because this is kind of how we solve problems. Carina and I are the type of people who keeps debating or arguing till one gets tired. We're definitely not one to back down from an argument; we always have something to say. There was this one time Carina and I had a fight that is like permanently stuck in my brain and that was the time we went to Six Flags with our best friend's family. I remember it being so ugly and what not because Carina and I were yelling at each other in the middle of a crowd, where a lot of people were staring. We were probably ten or eleven years old and at that time, we thought it was very rude for the people to stare in the first place. But when I look back at it, I feel very foolish and I actually learned from it.
Although I feel that way, nothing is never as bad as times when you have two very different, yet similar people trying to argue and get very, very angry. When Carina and I get to this point, we have no shame swapping fists because like I stated before, that's how we solve things. Even though we are so heated and just giving each other the ol' one two, harder each time, people around us find it very amusing. I mean it's one thing to ask us if we get embarrassed by doing so, it's another thing to encourage it. We're not punching the life out of each other just so we could get some laughs. I'm not saying that because I get annoyed everytime that happens, it just confuses me sometimes because when we're like that, it's best if they try to separate us before it gets worse. By then, it would obviously wouldn't be funny anymore.
It's the ending that gets everybody confused, though, because five minutes later after we cooled down, we're sitting there laughing at a joke nobody else would get because Carina and I sometimes have a weird sense of humor, plus we laugh at everything. We'd like seriously forget what had happened and just move on quickly. Quite honestly, I think everybody should do the same because there really is no reason to dwell on past problems because they have a life that requires them to move forward. If you don't, you're just wasting your time and life's too short for that.
When Carina and I fight, we don't feel an ounce of embarrassment. We are like that because that because this is kind of how we solve problems. Carina and I are the type of people who keeps debating or arguing till one gets tired. We're definitely not one to back down from an argument; we always have something to say. There was this one time Carina and I had a fight that is like permanently stuck in my brain and that was the time we went to Six Flags with our best friend's family. I remember it being so ugly and what not because Carina and I were yelling at each other in the middle of a crowd, where a lot of people were staring. We were probably ten or eleven years old and at that time, we thought it was very rude for the people to stare in the first place. But when I look back at it, I feel very foolish and I actually learned from it.
Although I feel that way, nothing is never as bad as times when you have two very different, yet similar people trying to argue and get very, very angry. When Carina and I get to this point, we have no shame swapping fists because like I stated before, that's how we solve things. Even though we are so heated and just giving each other the ol' one two, harder each time, people around us find it very amusing. I mean it's one thing to ask us if we get embarrassed by doing so, it's another thing to encourage it. We're not punching the life out of each other just so we could get some laughs. I'm not saying that because I get annoyed everytime that happens, it just confuses me sometimes because when we're like that, it's best if they try to separate us before it gets worse. By then, it would obviously wouldn't be funny anymore.
It's the ending that gets everybody confused, though, because five minutes later after we cooled down, we're sitting there laughing at a joke nobody else would get because Carina and I sometimes have a weird sense of humor, plus we laugh at everything. We'd like seriously forget what had happened and just move on quickly. Quite honestly, I think everybody should do the same because there really is no reason to dwell on past problems because they have a life that requires them to move forward. If you don't, you're just wasting your time and life's too short for that.
I when first say that your last paragraph is so touching.. :( (sad face)
ReplyDeleteYou ended your essay really well by showing how you get over your problem, how you should just forget the past, saying how "life's too short for that." It can really relate to alot of your audience.
There are some grammatical errors such as,"Carina and I are the type of people who keeps debating..." keeps should be keep.You could also add more about how embarrassing it really feels when you fight with your sister to really show how embarrassing it really is.
Other than that its frickin awesome. Good job!
It's really good. There were some grammatical errors, but overall, very funny. I liked it. (:
ReplyDeleteOne thing I think you could fix to make your story better would be to organize your thoughts a little better. I feel like some sentences didnt belong where they were, but overall I enjoyed it. Its interesting to hear your perspective on this because I have seen you two argue and people do seem to get very amused.
ReplyDeleteYou two get along quite well huh? :D
ReplyDeleteAnyways, as you describe the fight in the second paragraph I suggest to put more detail into like the topic of the fight or maybe something like what you thought the people around you were thinking just to add a little more to the paragraph.
I like your third paragraph and how at the end you suggest people to break you two up when the situation gets too out of hand. It shows us how close your sibling relationship is. Though I had to read it again because I got lost in the wording, maybe it was me who read the wrong line. xD
You opened your writing well and you ended it greatly.
'Quite honestly, I think everybody should do the same because there really is no reason to dwell on past problems because they have a life that requires them to move forward. If you don't, you're just wasting your time and life's too short for that.'
You ended it well that I am able to recall these words. Great job.
To start off, now I sort of understand why you fight with your sister during class or anywhere. Your use of examples and details was a nice touch to the essay because it really put an image in my head of how you feel when you fight. You really put in a lot of emotion and explained your reasons for how both of you act. Your last statement was a good ending because in my opinion, quotes or lessons are great endings because they help show the point of this story.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you had quite a few grammatical errors throughout the essay. You should have probably read through the essay out loud to make sure everything makes sense and sounds right.
Good read Catrina. :D
I really liked your beginning paragraph, you used started out describing the situation. I really liked it because the reader can know from the beginning that you are going to talk about the topic of sisters fighting. You get to the point. I liked how you also chose a topic that most people can connect with. With the emotions and feeling you describe also helped out a lot. It was nice writing, i enjoyed it a lot.
ReplyDeleteGoood job :D
I liked your essay. You and Carina bicker and argue just like my two older brothers do. It's interesting to see your take on this situation because it's so similar to my brothers.
ReplyDeleteYes, as others stated, you did have grammatical errors. An example was when you put, "We are like that because that because this is kind of how we solve problems." It confused me when i read it because you put "because" twice, but it was most likely just a copy error when you typed it up from you paper. Maybe rereading the essay, like a proofread, could've prevent such an error.
But overall, good job!(:
I liked your introduction paragraph because it explained what you are going to write about and it grabs the readers attention. You should use more examples and details of what people say or do when you two fight. I also liked your conclusion you ended your story very nicely. Overall I think you did good.
ReplyDeleteYour 2nd paragraph did a good job explaining the point you brought up in the thesis paragraph about how you and your sister fight. I like the example.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the 3rd paragraph because it was a reflection by the author on the situation. Instead of just providing us with a story, you managed to include what you thought about it.
At a few spots, I felt as if there was a informal tone, but your audience is the class so that can be disregarded. Your grammar errors can always be fixed too. Other than that, Good Job.
Hey Catrina, I really think that you did well on your beginning paragraph. It really leads into what you are going to talk about in the rest of the writing. Another thing that I like is how you relate your experiences and the lesson from it and apply it to everyone. You give a statement that everyone needs to think about.
ReplyDeleteSomething that I think you can improve on is to talk about that specific moment arguing with Carina at Six Flags. Add details to how you two were debating back and forth to make it interesting. Remember that this writing is about one of the moments from the chart. Therefore, if you dwell on that moment at Six Flags, it will make it better. Other then that, good job. Your writing kept me focused on trying to learn how you two deal with each other.
Something that I think you can improve on is to put more details and examples of what people say and how you two were deliberating, like what Shelly said "debating back and forth to make it more interesting". There were some few grammatical errors or maybe a typo such as "We are like that because that because this is kind of how we solve problems." This sentence kind of confused me, because you said "because" twice. Probably, rereading this essay could have prevent such an error. I really like your ending because you also gave your thoughts or opinion about it.
ReplyDeleteOverall, Great story and I enjoyed reading it! :)
i thought it was pretty funny. i liked how you used different examples and made visuals. i could picture you guys having a smack down in six flags. haha, i liked it. i didnt get bored!
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your introduction with some sort of example, such as how you and your sister act when one another is mad at the other. For some improvement, you should look back at how you present the story of when you and your sister got into an argument at Six Flags. You should add more details to the story to make it stronger with where your going with this blog. You state at the end of paragraph two that you learned something from that experienced and you should probably start a new paragraph and talk about what you learned. There a few minor setbacks with the grammar mistakes but if you read through your blog again I'm sure that can be fixed.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started reading this I thought it was really great how you decided to write about you and your sister and how you guys fight. To me its very funny because I have to see it everyday we have class together. I have to say I'm one of those people who find it amusing and then question you guys about how you can laugh after yelling at each other. Very confusing I must say, but I know how it feels when one person just can't admit there wrong so they fight to be right. But to make a long story short, good job (:
Oh gosh, I am totally that kid who laughs..sorry(:
ReplyDeleteBut, it's a great story, I have 4 siblings and I know how it gets.
I think your ideas were well organized and I like how you used examples that happened years ago and just last week!! great job!
I loved your intro, it kind of makes me think of when I get into fights with my sister. Ignoring the grammatical mistakes, you did really good. I kind of got confused towards the the beginning of the conclusion, but then again it might just be me:) I think you could've used more examples but otherwise I really enjoyed reading it XD
ReplyDeleteI think it is a cute story, but I think you need to focus more on the story itself, like adding more detail. I like how you turned it into a life lesson at the end. But, you write exactly as if you were talking to someone, so its kind of hard to understand what your story was. I was expecting to read a story of you and Carina, but barely mentioned the story and instead talked about the story and the moral of it. Basically I think you should focus more on the story, and write a little more formal.
ReplyDeleteOther than that I liked it and the picture :)
hey carina!
ReplyDeleteAs I read your blog, I immediately noticed the strong aspects you have as a writer. Your imagery and specific descriptions allowed me to paint an image in my head. For ex, "our faces were red, and our voices were coarse." Furthermore, I like how you connected the whole story back to society itself. Not only did you describe a story in the context of telling a story, but you connected it to a broader context: life itself.
Flaws in this essay? Im not so sure if I can point out one, considering that you wrote this in class in only twenty minutes. There are SOME grammatical mistakes, but nothing that hinders the integrity of this essay. good job Catrina!
to start off with, @kevin: its kind of sad to see that youre obviously reading catrina's blog. but hello to you lolol.
ReplyDeletei see grammatical errors. look at you, using anecdote as an attention grabber. looks like you learned a thing or two being in this class. i have no comment otherwise. to everyone, im use to the laughter so therefore it doesnt bother me. im not even confused; i do suggest though that if our fights actually get pretty ugly, watch out.
okay, i guess to add onto this critique, you can be more discription to your little story.
good day.
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ReplyDeleteWell, there are basic grammatical errors that come from typing while looking back and forth from your essay, but you know how to fix those, and I like the way you described the fight. I can totally see you guys as ten-year-olds having a yelling and screaming argument in a crowded line, then being offended by everyone staring at you.
ReplyDeleteI suppose you could have added more detail, like what the fight was about, or actual dialogue, because I don't think this story would have been funny to anyone who doesn't know you two and hasn’t seen the way you guys interact.
Also, the whole moral lesson of your essay was completely undone by this 'Even though we are so heated and just giving each other the ol' one two, harder each time, people around us find it very amusing. I mean it's one thing to ask us if we get embarrassed by doing so, it's another thing to encourage it. We're not punching the life out of each other just so we could get some laughs.’
Um... Catrina, isn't this the very same thing you felt so foolish for doing as a ten year old? Except now you’re escaleated from yelling to ‘punching the life out of each other’ and the people watching have moved from staring to laughing, and you still think the audience is rude. This bugs me even more than that though ‘I'm not saying that because I get annoyed everytime that happens, it just confuses me sometimes because when we're like that, it's best if they try to separate us before it gets worse.' This implies that you guys have no control over your actions and that it’s the duty of observers to separate the two of you before someone gets hurt. NO NO NO NO NO!
This is a moral issue that I have -17% interest in getting involved with, but this reminds me of domestic violence. (I am NOT saying that your relationship is wrong or that it needs to change, I’m just telling you that unless the audience is entirely made up of friends or other twins who will understand the dynamics between you and your sister, the fighting can be easily misunderstood) so in light of THAT, you should cut the second to last paragraph because it muddies the water on the whole issue the essay is trying to address, that you and Carina fought loudly and publicly, looking back you realize how foolish that was, that you may fight (omit the violence) with your sister (mention that she’s your twin), but you love her and you’re laughing ten minutes later, that life is way too short to hold grudges. That is IT, furnish those issues with details and imagery and this essay will be great.
As a side note, even though I have never personally seen you two go at it I think you should know that if I did I would probably laugh. Not because I found it funny but because you would scare me. People screaming and hitting each other frightens me more than almost anything else in the world. But even if it scared the bejezzus out of me there’s almost nothing I could do to stop it… so I would laugh.
(This is Wendy, not Gur)
Hello Catrina :)
ReplyDeleteThis is good! One thing I liked about your conclusion when you said "...no reason to dwell on past problems because they have a life that requires them to move forward. If you don't, you're just wasting your time and life's too short for that." The ending teaches the reader something they can relate to from your problem with Carina.
One thing you could have added was what you and Carina actually fought about at Six Flag's. You told me what happened and it was sad. It could have added some pathos to this piece. This would have added some more information to the reader and realize how bad it was in the fight between you and Carina.
You guys shouldn't fight, you guys are both amazing people :)
Love,
Quinci(: